This may not be as helpful a strategy they consistently push you to concede or compromise. 3. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. They may have a more exaggerated startle response than other people do, even in the same family. It might make us feel better in the moment to lead with our prickles, but in the end, well get a lot farther leading with our best selves. How Do Gifted Adolescents See Themselves? Unless their behavior is directly impacting your life, its important to allow other people the freedom to choose their own path in life. wary. Choose to Align Yourself with Your Values, Anticipate When You Are Likely to Become Defensive, How to Stop Making Other People Defensive, Overcoming Defensive Behavior in the Long-Term. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. After they read, they answered some questions that supposedly gauged their comprehension. Remember, when it comes time to protest, be sure your complaint is stated considerately enough not to punish or shame your loved one. Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety.". Someone on the defensive is concerned with justifying their actions or words. The only problem? b. Opposite offensive But no matter their actual score, participants were told they scored in the 37th percentile. distrustful. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. WebDistrustful of others. In the other case, there is a clear goal to your communication and an easy way for the other person to comply. Instead, acknowledge the feelings so that you do not become hyper focused on them. or "What would you prefer I do next time?". Once you have started to notice when you become defensive, its important to start validating your feelings when you are criticized. All content on this website, including dictionary, thesaurus, literature, geography, and other reference data is for informational purposes only. Learn more about defensive behavior, and get advice on how to approach and resolve conflict with a defensive person. This could be particularly helpful if you are experiencing defensiveness in your relationship. The objective (whether you realize it or not) is to shift attention to the faults of the other person, so that in turn you feel better about yourself in the moment. will always be on the, France was thoroughly outplayed and was consistently on the, Experts said that Sinema's move puts the attention in the Senate squarely back on the maverick senator while putting Democrats on the, Moscow is in the embarrassing position of being on the, Post the Definition of defensive to Facebook, Share the Definition of defensive on Twitter, Great Big List of Beautiful and Useless Words, Vol. If there are specific issues or areas of your life about which you are more likely to become defensive, then it may be helpful to do things that make you feel more confident or boost your self esteem. There are lots of ways we do this: we distance ourselves from our mistakes, blame outside forces for failure, and judge others in order to continue seeing ourselves in a positive light. Here's what EQ is, its components, and how to improve it. Being able to offer empathy and respect to those around you will also go a long way to avoiding the trap of reciprocal defensiveness. Using the word opinion. Of course, it's difficult to give and receive healthy criticism if we're clinging to a defensive attitude. Its a way of relating to the world that is usually rooted in life experiences or social context. Did you present a defensive reaction yourself, sparking anger in the other? Overall, you feel negative a lot of the time and have lost your ability to see the positive in anything in your life. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. So how can we channel our energy into self-improvement rather than self-defense? b. Continuing to rehash problems for the sake of arguing is not effective communication. However, it may be practical when: It may be best not to continuously use this response in disagreements with the same person, as it may lead to resentment and negatively impact the relationship long term. Learn a new word every day. wary. So, for example, if youre feeling defensive after a not-so-stellar work review, forget about frantically rehashing all your past workplace triumphs. For example, is there a more significant issue youre not seeing? Civil defense, the organizing of civilians to deal with emergencies or enemy attacks. Used or intended to avert or thwart danger or disaster, In its 1988 report, it announced a restrictive policy regarding legal, Sensitive to, or very anxious to challenge or avoid, criticism, Host Alan Kohler quite nicely brought out this, Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions, He wanted her to answer without him trying to fill in the uncomfortable silence between them with, Of, pertaining to, or exhibiting opposition, A (heightened) state of being ready to defend oneself, Find a way to encourage dialogue rather than putting him on the, Defensive or repulsive, particularly as applied to glands of certain invertebrates. To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. Acknowledging that everyone has problems is the surest route to better communication. Conflicting, positive or strongly held? You are not the only one to feel this way, and your reactions are perfectly normal. Haganah (Hebrew for "The Defence"), a paramilitary organization in British Palestine. But if the feedback is meant to help you or is neutral and objectivelike scoring in the 37th percentilerather than channeling your energy into soothing yourself, youll fare better if you channel your energy into improving yourself. A defensive person can also be someone that has low self-esteem or that has a difficult time listening to criticisms about themself. WebDistrustful of others. Remain calm even if you feel like becoming defensive in return (as this won't solve anything). Weba. If despite your best efforts you are still having trouble stopping your defensive behavior, this might mean that you would benefit from professional help. If you find yourself feeding off another persons anger and becoming even angrier as a response, maybe a third party can approach the issue. This not only makes you seem more affable and humble, but it removes the defenses of the other person who feels like they are being attacked for their own problems. Remember the enduring connection from that first stage of love, and try to access the feelings that first made you predisposed toward generosity and understanding at the outset of your relationship. I statements focus the conversation on you and what you feel, and will help you make your point without getting defensive. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC. No one is better prepared to provide that training than the National Safety Council. Most often this surfaces in more toxic forms: by teasing or making snide comments, holding grudges, or by growing more indifferent to our partner over time. Now that you know about the signs of being defensive, you might also be wondering if there are different types of defensiveness. The word in the example sentence does not match the entry word. Which of these items is named for a deadly weapon. Opposite. Direct communication will always be received better than judgmental attitude. Here are 12 truths about defensiveness that can help us better understand this self-protecting impulse. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior The word in the example sentence does not match the entry word. (2013). While it might make sense that you feel defensive, that doesnt mean that you necessarily have to take action. Opposite. Prepared to withstand or counter aggression or attack. This can be especially problematic if you feel as though you are helping the other person and cant understand why they would be defensive. Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D., is a psychologist at Boston University's Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders. cautious. And we're rewarded because each thing they say and do activates the connection center of our brain. What should you do if despite your best behavior, the other person responds in a defensive manner? Click on the arrows to change the translation direction. 3. The two most important steps of an "ideal conflict" are protest and repair. Middle English defensif, borrowed from Anglo-French, borrowed from Medieval Latin dfensvus, from Latin dfensus, past participle of dfendere "to ward off, defend" + -vus -ive, Middle English defensif "something acting as protection," borrowed from Medieval Latin dfensvum, noun derivative from neuter of dfensvus defensive entry 1, 14th century, in the meaning defined at sense 1. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. Intended to withstand or deter aggression or attack: a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. For example, if you want your spouse to help around the house, you would not make the statement, You never do anything to clean up around here. Instead, you would make a specific request: Could you please help me by taking out the garbage on Tuesday? or Could you help me by vacuuming the carpets on Saturday?, In one case, it sounds like you just want to complain. Your response to criticism (or how defensive you get) can depend on a few factors, namely temperament, history, and self-esteem. In the study, university students were primed by reading one of two specific passages written in the style of a news article: one said that intelligence was inherited and fixed from a young age, while the other said that intelligence could be increased substantially over the life span. Webadjective attempting to justify or defend in speech or writing synonyms: justificative, justificatory apologetic, excusatory offering or expressing apology adjective intended or appropriate for defending against or deterring aggression or attack defensive weapons a defensive stance Synonyms: antiaircraft Instead of immediately reacting to your feelings of being hurt or feeling criticized, you could try taking responsibility for whatever part you might be responsible for in the situation. How to communicate your feelings, emotions, and needs. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Views expressed in the examples do not represent the opinion of Merriam-Webster or its editors. Nglish: Translation of defensive for Spanish Speakers, Britannica English: Translation of defensive for Arabic Speakers. To get better at communication, try practicing first in low-stakes situations or imagining how you would like to communicate before a situation takes place. In turn, behavior usually results from the feeling, such as being sarcastic, giving someone the silent treatment, or being critical in return. Read through the list and see if any resonate with you: If you have started to recognize defensiveness in yourself, you might be wondering why it started, what caused it, and what might be underlying it. Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions. Moments of defensive behavior can happen with a partner, a child, your mother, or even a co-workerall relationships will inevitably suffer at some points from a breakdown in communication. It pushes people away, makes us look immature, and sends a message that were unable to regulate our emotions. We may ache for them to "return" and reconnect, yet our behavior is the last thing that would invite them back. Add defensive to one of your lists below, or create a new one. If your partner is giving you criticism that is making you feel defensive, can you express why? WebNSC Defensive Driving Courses. Advertisement 2. WebDefense (military), forces primarily intended for warfare. If you arent sure about this, use your journal to write out a list of things that you could do in the moment instead of acting out on your defensive feelings. If you feel like youre having a mental health emergency, you can: If you decide to call an emergency number like 911, ask the operator to send someone trained in mental health, like Crisis Intervention Training (CIT) officers. Even if you feel defensive, that doesnt mean that you know about the signs being. Thesaurus, literature, geography, and needs with emergencies or enemy attacks comply! Say and do activates the connection Center of our brain as though you are experiencing defensiveness your. 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